15 Oct Identity Redefined

One of the greatest cries of ladies my age considering their identity is: “Who am I?” That and “Where’s the wine!” Probably not a coincidence.

We’re at that age when many of our roles are being redefined. After years of being a dutiful daughter, loving wife, responsible parent, working mother, “stop-at-home-mum” or career woman, things may be changing for us. We may be losing our parents, marriages may be breaking up, children may be leaving the nest. We may be being made redundant, going back to work or just sick and tired of the job we do and looking for a new challenge or an easier existence. We can see retirement but it’s still very much in the distance. Our bodies need much more maintenance than they once did and health worries, once the concern of an older generation, are beginning to be our own.

No wonder then, that the universal cry is for an identity. Some kind of new purpose and a boost to our self-esteem. Who on earth is that middle aged woman in the mirror? Why is my aunty looking back at me?! Where did those wrinkles come from and just what are my boobs doing all the way down there? How do I dress so that my teenage daughter doesn’t laugh at me but so that I don’t look like “mutton dressed as lamb” as my octogenarian mother would say?

Apparently I am in “mid-life transition!” Thank God it’s not a crisis anymore!

Depending on the way we choose to see this period of our lives, it can be a depressing situation or an amazing time of regeneration and reinvention.

With age comes wisdom and apparently the ability not to give a stuff what others think. Sounds good to me…where do I sign up? Truth is, you sign up in your own head.

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself – George Bernard Shaw

We are able now to buy whatever creams and potions we need to disguise the aging process. There is surgery or scaffolding in the guise of underwear to lift it or shift it wherever we want it to go. Hairdressers can change the colour of our hair to look like My Little Pony within a few hours. And there are a million diets, food gurus and personal trainers around to help us redefine our external appearance with some dedication and hard work on our parts. Hell, they even let you in New Look so you can wear what you damn well like.

But none of this is any good at all unless you’ve set your new identity off in your head. And it takes work, just like your new body does. You have to train your mind to think in new ways, to decide that you don’t give a monkey’s bum about the opinions of others and to maintain the decision that, actually, despite all the changes you are going through, you are pretty damned awesome!

 So don’t let the fact that everything is changing put you off.

You’ve been through change before – otherwise you’d still be in nappies and rolling around on the floor! Find a new career. Find a new partner. Find a new style. Whatever you need to do, get out there and do it.

Just remember, change what you think about you first. Become your own cheerleader, embrace who you are and go show the World what you’ve got.

I’m off to get some scaffolding.